Stuff Hipsters Hate | Preparing For Natural Disasters Sander: Whoa,...

Aug 26

Preparing For Natural Disasters

Sander: Whoa, dude, what’s with all the water jugs and shit?

Jona: Dude, there’s a hurricane coming, that’s what. Don’t you, like, read the news?

Sander: Only when it has to do with political injustices and shit. A hurricane, for realsies?

Jona: Yeah, for realsies. It’s coming, like, right for us. People are all evacuating and shit. We live right on the line, though, so we should be cool. Just need to be prepared and whatnot.

Sander: So what’s all the water for?

Jona: If, you know, the water turns off.

Sander: Can’t we just go to the bodega?

Jona: I think it’ll probably be closed if there’s a ‘cane. Owner dude lives in Queens or something. Wanna help me tape some trash bags over the windows? Also, you should probably move your drumkit into the hallway and — oh — fill the tub with water so that we can shower and whatnot.

Sander: That sounds like a lot of work. Besides, if a hurricane comes sweeping up in here, maybe it’s, like, a sign. A sign that we should take less stock in material possessions and shit and, like, return to motherfucking nature. Relinquish the trappings of overfed American society and make like beasts. It could be, like, a return to Eden, man. A primitive reawakening… A reordering! Yeah, man, a fucking reordering of corporate society or some such shit. Businessman ripping free from the chains of suits and shackles of cufflinks and ties, the plebs rising up from the ashes of soiled money and sodden silks — the debris of the higher-ups — and taking their rightful places as the makers of this world. [His cell buzzes] Hold on, I’ll brb.

Jona: Where are you going?

Sander: That was my dealer. I ain’t going through this shit sober.

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