Stuff Hipsters Hate

Oct 07
iPod Earbuds
When we come upon the average hipster in his or natural habitat —  sitting on a park bench contemplating his shiftless life, ruminating  about Rumi on a train car, skulking over a cup on half-cold coffee,  trying to compose the perfect blase comment to throw up on his lady  love’s Facebook wall — it is very likely, nay certain, that said  hipster will be adorned with a rather impressive set of headphones. Said  headphones will be brightly colored, and engulf his gauged ears (a  remnent from his foolish pre-teenage years) like the comforting arms of a  rather hefty housewife — one who smells faintly of freshly baked  bread.
Yes, safe within the warm embrace of his Electric Animal  Skullcandy ‘phones, the hipster floats — carried away by the dulcet  tones of Total Slacker as they monotonously drone about “creepos” —  wondering, probably rightly so — whether said lyrics apply to him as  well. (He has been hitting up that chick’s FB wall like a stalker on a  sugar high lately.) What you will never see, gentle reader, anywhere near the inquisitive ears of that Facebooking fiend is a set of in-ear, cheap-ass  earbuds (You know, the kind that come with your iPod). No. Death.  first. The hipster will likely give you a litany of excuses as to why he  has chosen not to mingle wax with buds in order to blast the latest  Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti jam into his craven cranium,  blathering on about sound quality and how he would totally snag some of  those Ultrasone Edition 10’s if only he had the capital (or was down  with selling his body for sound).
Still, despite his protestations, there is one simple,  crystal-cut reason why he abstains from Apple’s audio offering: So every  fucking person in the room will know he’s listening to jams, and every  fucking person in the room will assume — given the quality of the goods  — that those jams are good… even if he’s actually listening  to that one Justin Timberlake jam on loop.

iPod Earbuds

When we come upon the average hipster in his or natural habitat — sitting on a park bench contemplating his shiftless life, ruminating about Rumi on a train car, skulking over a cup on half-cold coffee, trying to compose the perfect blase comment to throw up on his lady love’s Facebook wall — it is very likely, nay certain, that said hipster will be adorned with a rather impressive set of headphones. Said headphones will be brightly colored, and engulf his gauged ears (a remnent from his foolish pre-teenage years) like the comforting arms of a rather hefty housewife — one who smells faintly of freshly baked bread.

Yes, safe within the warm embrace of his Electric Animal Skullcandy ‘phones, the hipster floats — carried away by the dulcet tones of Total Slacker as they monotonously drone about “creepos” — wondering, probably rightly so — whether said lyrics apply to him as well. (He has been hitting up that chick’s FB wall like a stalker on a sugar high lately.)

What you will never see, gentle reader, anywhere near the inquisitive ears of that Facebooking fiend is a set of in-ear, cheap-ass earbuds (You know, the kind that come with your iPod). No. Death.  first. The hipster will likely give you a litany of excuses as to why he has chosen not to mingle wax with buds in order to blast the latest Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti jam into his craven cranium, blathering on about sound quality and how he would totally snag some of those Ultrasone Edition 10’s if only he had the capital (or was down with selling his body for sound).

Still, despite his protestations, there is one simple, crystal-cut reason why he abstains from Apple’s audio offering: So every fucking person in the room will know he’s listening to jams, and every fucking person in the room will assume — given the quality of the goods — that those jams are good… even if he’s actually listening to that one Justin Timberlake jam on loop.

  1. faithfulelephantsss reblogged this from stuffhipstershate and added:
    hahahahaha
  2. forwardtoforget reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  3. amsterdam-buddha reblogged this from stuffhipstershate and added:
    coffee shop where I went...college that’s staffed by hipster bitches.
  4. livingonsunshineandsprinkles reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  5. slow-riot reblogged this from stuffhipstershate and added:
    BAH. >Implying I’d ever be caught dead using skullcandy headphones.
  6. itsabotage reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  7. boyfriendfromhell reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  8. equivalentexchange reblogged this from stuffhipstershate and added:
    Reblogged for the Total Slacker reference. It’s hilarious how they’re gaining credibility.
  9. omgitscharchar reblogged this from stuffhipstershate and added:
    haha.only.kinda.slightly.true.
  10. xsailorgallifrey reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  11. paulcox reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  12. areyoufuckingmad reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  13. laratita reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  14. sausage-roller reblogged this from pixelsandpitchforks and added:
    The kind of headphones that come with your iPod are far from cheap.
  15. danceflooramour reblogged this from stuffhipstershate
  16. cestlahaley reblogged this from stuffhipstershate and added:
    um, iPod earbuds are the worst things ever. if i see folks with them, i automatically think that they don’t really care...
  17. hipsterparanoia reblogged this from stuffhipstershate and added:
    Sound matters people! Get some real headphones!
  18. pixelsandpitchforks reblogged this from stuffhipstershate and added:
    This reminds me that I still need to but those Urbanears headphones…