Writing About Hipsters All The Time
Need a break, mouth-foaming babies. But first, there will be a party tomorrow night. Friday. Glasslands. Three rad bands. One DJ. Free booze. C’mon. Info here.
And theeeeeeen… Imma go stare at ponies for a while. BRBBBBB
(Photo)
Giving You Legit Love Advice
It’s all hopeless children, but I gave it a shot. Happy Venereal Disease — I mean, Valentine’s Day, on CNN.
(Photo)
Re-Upping on Toiletries
Soap and shampoo and whatnot cost money, and acquiring them involves the unbelievable hassle of, like, going to the store. Therefore, a hipster will attempt to postpone the process of toiletry shopping for as long as possible.
FLASHBACK: PLUS PARTY!!
Pasting Party Photog Photos into Facebook
It’s bad enough that you went to the URL on that creepy guy’s business card afterward and clicked around until you found it. That you would further publicize it is deplorable.
Usually this is true, but sometimes I’m a hypocrite. SHH is having a party with New York’s Nicky Digital on February 2, and you’re all invited. He will probably take pictures of you. Try not to look like too much of a loser.
Where: Ella Lounge, #9 Ave A (Between 1st and 2nd Streets), Manhattan (ugh)
When: February 2, 10:00 pm - 4 am
What:
Special guests: Jillionaire (MAD Decent)
Residents: Gavin Royce, Shanedaddy and Squirrel M@ster
WITH ALL NEW DRINK TILL YOU DANCE SPECIALS (Nicky’s emphasis, not mine)
$3 beers + $7 Beer & Shot combos ALL NIGHT LONG! (Again, Nicky)
All-Ages Shows
Clifford: Whoa, dude, I haven’t seen you since New Year’s. Where you been?
A-Jay: Well, after I awoke at around 4 p.m. on the 1 to the 1 to the 11, I promptly tucked myself under a sheet of malaise — like a child being folded into a warm bed on a cold winter’s eve, only to slumber with nightmares…
Clifford: For, like, three fucking weeks, though?
A-Jay: Indeed.
Clifford: So what did you do on the last night of 20-10?
A-Jay: Well, I went to this show at some unnamed venue. Saw this super rad band whose album I got on vinyl, like, eons ago.
Clifford: Sounds good.
A-Jay: Indeed. It should have been enjoyable to the power of e=mc squared (because MC finally squared up on that E that he owed me), but it was super lame because, get this, is was a fucking all ages show. Like overgrown 13-year-olds with faces as fertile as freshly tilled fields looming before me, groping in corners, screeching at the stage like caged monkeys who have been injected with one too many experimental drugs.
Youth is usually a breath of summer vespers, no? Instilling all those in the vicinity with renewed vigor — a desire, an urge, a loin-pulsing need to be young and free. But in this case, my soul merely withered — my passions dried up, and I felt a husk of a man, looking upon the young folks — like those in that over-played song by Peter, Bjorn & John — like a brine-soaked octogenarian, pickled in the juices of my own malcontent. I hated their mirth. I hated their grease-soaked faces. I hated their over-abundance of joy. I hated my own aging flesh… I hated this thing we called life.
Clifford: Dragster, man.
A-Jay: I know! Also, you know, that show was totally supposed to be a secret deal. How the fuck did all those little fuckers get on the listserv?
Clifford: So basically you’re pissed that you have the same taste as a bunch of a 13-year-olds?
A-Jay: Fuck off.
(Photo)
When You Do Not Read Their Blog
Also: When you do read their blog (creeper).
Navigating the conundrum — that’s CNN this week, attention-starved animals.
(Photo)
Links Hipsters Hate
Apparently, I helped inspire this. Sorry. Hipster Shore
I feel like this commercial has digestive undertones, and that makes me uneasy. (Also, I dated a guy with that haircut.) Listen To Your Gut
Yeah, this is pretty much the only way you’re gonna get a hipster to marry you. He’s gay, she’s straight… and they married for art
This guy wrote a song suite with “anti-hipster undertones.” I didn’t listen because I’m only into overtones now. The Wings of Fire Orchestra
Anyone with a hipster boyfriend wouldn’t be a fan of soap on Facebook. Come to think of it, who the fuck is a fan of soap on Facebook? Clean Up Your Hipster Boyfriend
(Photo)
Country Music
Dude, I was at Lady Jay’s with Micaela the other night and this twee-ass country song came on and she got all nostalgic, did you remember she’s from Georgia? I know, me neither, no accent, but she got all fucking starry-eyed and started asking if I knew this song and that song by Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw and Travis Tit or whoever the fuck and like, singing them by herself in the bar, right? And then last night we all had dinner at Sonja an’ Stumper’s place and she got drunk and insisted on like playing us all these fucking terrible music videos. Dude, have you ever watched a contemporary country-western music video? They’re like six-minute-long green-screen packed odes to ugly-ass Trixies with visibly hard nipples and assholes in bootcut jeans and long bleach-blond man-manes.
I mean, bluegrass is kinda rad, but douchebags with weird facial hair wearing tight shirts and stupid headgear, strumming at the guitar and singing whiny and depressing songs about alcohol with put-on accents? Fuck. to the. no.
Oh hey, you were gonna lend me that Wavves EP. Is it around?
